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Decorating a Sleeping Person as a Christmas Tree

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Step 1. Warm drinks, scented candles and music go a long way to knocking a person out cold.

Spice up the rum and keep the drink warm to match their inner body temperature. Grab your iPhone deck and play some light caroling music. You’re going to need some Christmas music in the background to keep the sleeping person from hearing your constant giggles and occasional ornament rustling.

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People can be awoken by smell, Christmas cookies, eggs and bacon; the more potent the easier it is to wake up. Place a scented candle nearby the person and make sure you’re not wearing anything which that candle can’t mask. If your candle is vanilla scented, wear a light floral perfume that day.

Remember: Constantly mimic the conditions of being warm and cozy on a winter day snuggled in bed otherwise risk the chance of causing your tree to shift.

Step 2. Pick a theme.

You want your Christmas decorations to look great don’t you? Want everything to match? Make sure your human decoration doesn’t stand out against the rest of the decorations; because at the end of this, you’re going to want to take festive Christmas photos.

Step 3. Make sure the dogs, cats, and kids are too busy to interfere.

This job is a dangerous one; full of twists and turns with mistakes around each corner vying to wake a sleeping human. Treat it as such and remove or distract the ticking time bombs which could arise the person.

Step 4. Fabrics and textures.

Cable knit sweaters are perfect to hook an ornament. They are baggy and usually the fibers aren’t taunt against one another thus allowing space to hang an ornament without ruining the clothing. Avoid sheer tight clothing made of polyester, or rayon fabric.

Step 5. Order of Operations!

christmas-ornaments

Remember the order of operations for decorating a tree.

1. Ornaments first – evenly spaced without pockets or gaps

2. Tinsel or garland – you’re dealing with a human tree here. Let’s keep the garland to a thin-not-so-puffy appearance. Avoid popcorn strands because again, potent smells wake people and cause them to shift in their sleeping positions.

3. Bells! Yes, you get to work with bells. Christmas would be amiss without the complement of shiny silver bells. Just remember, not too many for the sake of reducing noise.

4. Lights. Don’t plug them in until you’re nearly ready to wake the person or to pose for your group picture. Lights against fabric and human skin can be a health hazard.

5. Rather than placing a star or decoration on top of the head, how about making that human head, the ornament? Make a large bow of ribbon, and careful wrap this around his/her neck. Never tightly. The bow will separate the head from the body giving focus to the person’s face as the ornament.

Voilà! You’re done! Don’t forget to group pose with the person. Make sure to eventually wake the person. And have fun.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Rosh Hashanah! Merry Kwanzaa! Happy holidays and a wonderful New Year!

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